Rollercoaster

The thoughts rushed so fast she could barely keep her balance
Ease down, calm down, rationalize Compromising bargaining all.at once
Was it really going to be that hard to do
Stop second guessing this opportunity is a blessing
Not theirs hers or his bit yours
Emotions raining pain contemplating sit down calm down eelease your worries
You are who you need to be
Break free queen

3 decades before

Summer night may flowers after hours

Aching back sweat dangling on her brow

Silence  eyes shut for now

Breath in and out, sway back and forth

Life came from this twisted pain

Lips wet from the tears  your eyes full of fear for this little bull

Arms stretch legs kick mouth opens to announce his arrival

lights too bright, curl to find her

Daddy cries mommy sighs

Life has started dreams begin Go my love lead the way

Sacred

Emotions don’t scare me the use in which they are used to  fuel action baffles me.

Mad sad  confused beyond reason. Kill them strangle the breath from leaving their lungs

Explode stab struck a hundred times

flesh soaked with bloody lies

cries,cries

Try again this time

Hugs I love yous warm kisses flowers for the misses

You say

you say you say you wont

but you do.

Break Free Queen

A Mother Behind Bars.

Fold this wash that rub my back This hurts and I don’t feel  good. Projects coming due and shoot now my dinner is burning. Over grown eyebrows and prickly legs. Under the eye bags tell how long I’ve been without sleep.   My 2-year-old is hanging on my neck as I type, telling me to wook (look) at cat woman mama,  you cat girl?  With an inquisitive look in his eyes and bad breath inches from my nose.   “Yes mommy is cat girl” I reply hoping he will trot back to the couch, and leave me be.  The oldest keeps say “woo woo” every time Halle Berry enters the screen in her cat woman attire….like when did he start cat calling women. Nonetheless, I haven’t had a full Saturday to my self in over 5 years, the above is what I deal with at home.  With a house full of men I find myself saying “STOP”!, “Get your hands out of your pants!  Who left pee on the floor?!  What do you guys want to eat?! No eat your veggies or no dessert  Did you brush your teeth?! Stop fighting, sit down blah.  At times I’ve let complete mayhem swirl around me while in a daze.  Giving short answers to satisfy the million and one questions hurled at me daily.  Right  now a little underwear clad child is in my right ear asking “is that cat girl where is she!?”

At times circumstances can leave a person feeling hopeless, boxed in and without a way to break free.  Break free from the mundane day in and out duties. I have found that after working a full day our job does not end when I arrive home. I straighten my mommy hat and starting assigning jobs to each little rascal.  Whether you are taking care of kid(s)  alone or with a significant other we know it can still feel overwhelming.  There have been times where you have felt like you were being held against your will. I mean with no babysitter or way to leave without your children in tow….thats a form of prison.  Time to renew oneself, to have mini conversations in your head or out loud, without interruption.  You can barely go to the restroom without a little shadow squeezing through the door, to only ask you a gazillion questions.

Among mothering, I wear many hats lets not forget the cleaning cooking performing my wifely duties. The  tutor/teacher/ with the influx of kindergarten basics, sight words, reading, math.  Yes I moon light as a doctor curing the running noses bloody cuts, from the mock battle they have everyday in the play room.  Its nonstop, for a lot of us, the 0-100 type days are an everyday thing.  How do you take time out for you?  Is it like many of us , by hiding in the bathroom even if only for a few moments.  Only for my husband to come to door, with “babe you alright”  or little fingers to appear under the door, like a zombie out of a horror movie.

Hello World

Another detail filled dream, a world traveler, connoisseur of all the finest things, wild flower child moving from mysterious partner to the next.  Life at my fingertips, no address to tie me down.  No one to answer to, only music and my poetry used to illustrate all my complex and tangling thoughts with sounds. WAKE UP reality has resurfaced am now a  mother, wife and full-time employee, quickly forgetting who I was before it all changed Living double life’s to satisfy my taste for adventure reaching for any thing not deemed NORMAL or average by society. There are many beliefs as to what women should be doing at various stages of her life.  Set usually by overbearing mothers, controlling spouse, or by society’s expectations.  Sadly sometimes  simply our own strict requirements of who we are supposed to be, that leaves us feeling inadequate.  This is a space for the women that  are lost, found turned up side down and around, by the world constantly moving around us. For the women that are trying to remain as calm and quiet and normal as possible.  All while busting at the seems to be free, so Queens I want you to feel free here.  Unbutton, remove that hair tie, light a candle and grab your dreams and desires As an introverted extroverted weird bipolar anxiety depressed creature I am, I choose to believe that there are others like myself. I havent boxed myself or my readers in with an exact purpose for this space. I  do know that us as women need a judgmental free zone to express, connect and to just be without hesitation. To come together to uplift, encourage and empower each other.  Through my thoughts we will meet over and over again Each post will activate some type of emotion from the reader, because the content will evoke emotion.

Break Free Queen